Well its 12:22 am and im writing my first post. Fire practice was tonight decided I didnt really want to go do over the bank rescue tonight. Didnt have the energy.
Feeling like that a lot lately. Get home and just dont want to move. I dont hurt am an not really exhausted from work. Im just in a mental fuzz that doesnt seem to want to go away.
The online tests say its moderatly severe depression. The signs and symptoms seem to add up. Really ahould make another doc appointment. Maybe this time stick on track.
Looking forward to the summer. Going camping and soccering. Going to see my old team mates. Hope i can still play. Need to get in a bit better shape. How does an overweight lazy geek who loves gaming and has depression get in shape? No seriously, id love to know because i have no ideas and nothing seems to work. Soooo let me know.
Plan to have my work desk cleared off of all the stuff that has been piling up over the last few months. I came to the conclusion that even though some days i dont actually feel busy, i reilized that because in past jobs i was so busy i didnt have time to think, this job is slightly less busy, i have felt like im not doing enough, even though i literally still have no time to get everything that i need to get done done.
Its hard when you are the "breadwinner" of the family and would love to maybe take some time off or maybe just do part time for a while, but no, you know you have to go to work day in and day out so they have a roof over their heads, food for the tummies, and a life that will hopfully put the kidsnin a better position than i am in at my age. Why the hell didnt i go off the neverland with peter. Growing up sucks.
Have quite a few expenses coming up this year. Probably looking at new tires for the truck($1500), camping trip towing a 24 ft trailer($2000), property taxes ($3000), plus any of the other issues that are bound to come up, just because murphie is an asshole. (No one likes you murphie, just go home).
Time is another valubale thing that seems tk disappear. Between captianing with the fire hall, Vice presidenting with the work union, fathering and husbanding at home, and being a productive employee the rest of the time, not much time for me. Is me time really a thing anymore? Should i be having me time? Being a you g professional in the first few years of a job i like, so i not have me time? Should i live to work instead of working to live? Will it further me in life? Help me provide for my own? I guess im just gokng to let life guide me for a bit, buckel down, do whats expected of me and take it, as nothings going to change.
Anyways, going to use this to write my mind wandering thoughts about my life in the present. Maybe give some insite into a depressed middle aged man who is fully aware of the problems, yet has no energy to seek the solutions. Maybe someone reading this will understand exactly what i mean and know they are not alone. That's one thing that keeps me going; the statistical probability that im not the only one.
No comments:
Post a Comment