Another Day

Actually its the same day technically. Sitting here at my desk, looking at all the stuff I have to do. I also see all the stuff that I have already done. As much as I have a passion for technology, its hard to be passionate about it when all your dealing with are broken pieces of it because end users don't know how to take care of their things. I feel like it should be a Disney song or something.

(to the tune of A Whole New World)

I can give you good tech,
Shinning, Shimmering, Splendid
Tell me, you there, when did I last let your technology die?
I can make your work good,
And give you more bandwidth,
Power over other users
and get through the great firewall

A whole new computer
With a new fantastic Monitor
No one every know
That its better than
The CEO's who up on the next floor

And then it stops
after a week of using it
No one even knows
Why it did
Just that it is not working now

Unbelievable tech.
Simplistic end users
Throwing expensive tech
against the hard wood floor

Oh my gawd! (What hell do you think your doing?)
Can't you see that's expensive shit (Have you tried turning it off and on?)
That I now have to fix
Because your dumb
It will be back in two weeks (maybe three)
.....

Well you get the idea. Maybe I should finish it and find a karaoke song I can just turn on and start to sing to whenever I go on a tech fix call.

Ah the tech fix call. The users calling in all panicked about losing all their stuff because...the power cable on their monitor unplugged just enough while their were moving all the stuff on their desk around so that the "Turn it off and on again" line doesn't work. Really, is it that hard to actually check the basic necessities of electronics? Like seriously, POWER! come on! Pretty sure if there is no light when you try to turn on something, the first though should go something like, " hmm I wonder if there is something wrong with the power?" To which I really truly hope their second thought isn't, "well their isn't a power outage, so it should work." but it seems like it usually is. It kinda of one of those things that just is, and really shouldn't have to be explained to anyone over a 5 year old. (I know this because I have a 5 year old has a great grasp of how electronic die when they don't have enough batteries. This is literally the first thing he says when any electronics doesn't work. Even he understands electronics need some sort of electricity. He's 5!!!!!)

Anyways. maybe this is why I don't have any energy when I get home. Possibly because I have lost all hope in mankind to further themselves as a species when I feel the next problem will be, "well I see the water, but its not in my mouth. This is a problem because I want it to be there. Hmmm, well maybe I'll just wait longer and it will decide it wants to move." Like seriously. I definitely consider myself lazy (like I use my nest to yell at the kids because yelling it too much work), and I will fully admit that I probably don't know a little about a lot of things. But we use these things in our daily lives every day! Maybe this is why I'm depressed. Probably not, but hey, its as good a reason as any.

Don't think i have anything on tonight. Have been playing Far Cry 5 New Dawn (yes I wrapped (do people still say that) Far cry 5 already...disappointed), but really have just been going through the motions. Really haven't gotten into any games since probably Deus Ex (Gold edition) years ago. Was enjoying star trek online for a while, but it got so repetitive, I stopped playing it. I even built a new system last year (8700, 1060, 16gb ram, samsung evo970 m.2, z370 MB, etc) in hopes that maybe getting a system where I could game well would bring back my passion, as well as help my depressive symptoms, but alas, it doesn't. If anything it makes/lets me stay up later watching YouTube and getting less sleep, which I'm sure just aggravates my symptoms of depression more. I'm probably addicted to technology. I think its easy for me to be as not only is it my job, but I also have a personal passion for it as well. I've pretty much set myself up to get paid and enjoy my addiction that also makes those who pay me want me to do it more. hmmmmmm......I compare it to a drug addict who not only gets all their drugs paid for, but also get paid to use it, and keeps getting pushed to use it more. This seems wrong...but I guess you could say its socially acceptable, therefore not? Maybe this is why I'm partly craving taking time off or going part time. Its my body telling me its not good for me and it needs to stop. Shut up body, no one asked you.

Anyways. hope you enjoy my second post. Lets see if this is the last.......

Yay, i did something

Well its 12:22 am and im writing my first post. Fire practice was tonight  decided I didnt really want to go do over the bank rescue tonight. Didnt have the energy.

Feeling like that a lot lately. Get home and just dont want to move. I dont hurt am an not really exhausted from work. Im just in a mental fuzz that doesnt seem to want to go away.

The online tests say its moderatly severe depression. The signs and symptoms seem to add up. Really ahould make another doc appointment. Maybe this time stick on track.

Looking forward to the summer. Going camping and soccering. Going to see my old team mates. Hope i can still play. Need to get in a bit better shape. How does an overweight lazy geek who loves gaming and has depression get in shape? No seriously, id love to know because i have no ideas and nothing seems to work. Soooo let me know.

Plan to have my work desk cleared off of all the stuff that has been piling up over the last few months. I came to the conclusion that even though some days i dont actually feel busy, i reilized that because in past jobs i was so busy i didnt have time to think, this job is slightly less busy, i have felt like im not doing enough, even though i literally still have no time to get everything that i need to get done done.

Its hard when you are the "breadwinner" of the family and would love to maybe take some time off or maybe just do part time for a while, but no, you know you have to go to work day in and day out so they have a roof over their heads, food for the tummies, and a life that will hopfully put the kidsnin a better position than i am in at my age. Why the hell didnt i go off the neverland with peter. Growing up sucks.

Have quite a few expenses coming up this year. Probably looking at new tires for the truck($1500), camping trip towing a 24 ft trailer($2000), property taxes ($3000), plus any of the other issues that are bound to come up, just because murphie is an asshole. (No one likes you murphie, just go home).

Time is another valubale thing that seems tk disappear. Between captianing with the fire hall, Vice presidenting with the work union, fathering and husbanding at home, and being a productive employee the rest of the time, not much time for me. Is me time really a thing anymore? Should i be having me time? Being a you g professional in the first few years of a job i like, so i not have me time? Should i live to work instead of working to live? Will it further me in life? Help me provide for my own? I guess im just gokng to let life guide me for a bit, buckel down, do whats expected of me and take it, as nothings going to change.

Anyways, going to use this to write my mind wandering thoughts about my life in the present. Maybe give some insite into a depressed middle aged man who is fully aware of the problems, yet has no energy to seek the solutions. Maybe someone reading this will understand exactly what i mean and know they are not alone. That's one thing that keeps me going; the statistical probability that im not the only one.