Well this year sucked. Haven’t seen my family in 6 months due some legal troubles based on an untrue accusation against me. I’m spending Christmas this year alone. Tried to get a supervised visit, but MCFD doesn’t seem to care what impact they have on families. Safe to say, I’m pretty emotional this year. Not being able to be with my kids on Christmas is devastatingly heartbreaking for me. Wish I could say I haven’t thought about suicide, but I’d be lying. The only thing that has kept me going is the thought of how my kids lives would be devastated by my death. You can inflict as much pain on me as has ever been put to a human before and I would still not give up without a fight. I completely understand why people go through with it, and personally I myself am scared that I’ll hit a point in which I will somehow forget how much I love my kids and go through with something. The sad part is if I did do something, the chances are nearly 100% that I would know the responders who would ultimately be called, which is something that would hurt in and of itself.
Honestly, the sending Christmas alone is not the hardest thing about the situation. It’s not knowing whether I will be able to live a normal life after everything, and whether I will be able to see my kids again. I miss my wife dearly also, but she’s a grown woman who can make decisions for herself. She has been as supportive as you can be while single parenting through this whole situation.
I’ve never spent a Christmas alone before, so I’m just trying to get through each day without too much thought. To be clear, I have not been conflicted of anything, yet I have still had my family taken from me, despite the Canadian right of innocence until proven guilty. It is despicable how myself and my family have been treated, mostly by MCFD, who can trample on pretty much any right you might think you have in the name of safety, verified or not. They can turn your life completely upside down and inside out overnight, without any recourse. And worse, if you fight them at all, they absolutely threaten you and use you children as bargaining chip. Comply or we take the kids. It’s absolutely disgusting. And the frustrating thing is that I know I’m not the first, or the last person this will happen to.
I’ve always tried to be a large part of my kids lives, whether it be driving them to school on the first day ever year, or doing fire safety week with the school, or coaching their soccer. I’ve completely lots a part of who I am due to MCFD, and I know, from what my wife has told me, they have lost apart of themselves also. And at 7 and 9 years old, that shouldn’t happen.
I’m going to end this post here as I don’t think my phone is waterproof enough to keep going with the amount of tears on my screen if I do. Merry Christmas to everyone else, but me.
